I've Cried All My Tears
by Jamimlia
Summary: 8 billion people in the world, and I only want him


DISCLAIMER: Don't own KH

**Author's Note: **Okay, so here's how it started. My mother started listening to Kate Nash, then I heard this. It is THE SADDEST UNREQUITED LOVE SONG SUNG BY A GIRL. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Look at the lyrics. Go look it up if you need too. Although, 'Missing' by Evanescence comes in a close second...

And note that I'm probably never, EVER in any of my stories let Xion get Roxas. Just keep it in mind. Nami gets Roxas, hands down. :D

* * *

_**All I know is that you're so nice**_  
_**You're the nicest thing I've seen**_  
_**I wish that we could give it a go**_  
_**See if we could be something**_

* * *

It was extremely painful when her heart first started thudding in her chest when he smiled at her, when shivers ran down her back whenever he said her name, when her skin tingled whenever his fingers brushed them by accident because they were sitting so close.

It wasn't supposed to be that way. Platonic friends only. They knew each other since the third grade. The 'in' kids called them the 'Spiky Duo' because of his blond spikes shooting skyward and her short, black cropped hair cut irregularly, just the way she liked it.

Xion was ashamed to admit that after he had just visited or vice-versa or after a party held by their little group, she would sit on her bed and write every conversation that took place between them. Then she would brush her hair, slip in her lucky silver butterfly barrette and then hug herself for her success. Then she would dive into her bed, all warm, and dream of him.

Of course, this was before Kairi, part of their group, introduced her cousin that moved in. Her name was Namine.

* * *

_**I wish I was your favorite girl**_  
_**I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world**_  
_**I wish that my smile was your favorite kind of smile**_  
_**I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style

* * *

**_

Namine was everything Xion wasn't.

Xion had short, black hair. She liked to wear black and enjoyed skateboarding with Roxas and Axel. She liked to with them on the tower and eat sea-salt ice cream. She loved rock music and knew how to play a guitar, thanks to Demyx. She was skilled at fake battles with the group and entered the Struggle tournament every year. Her favorite school subject was P.E., and she hated English.

Namine, on the other hand, had long, angelic blond hair streaming down to her middle back. She always wore white clothes and could draw anything, anywhere just like Leonardo. She hung out with Kairi and Sora most of the time. She didn't like ice cream, instead she loved chocolate. Her favorite spot was a balcony outside her room at night instead of the tower. She loved classical music and could play the piano like a grand master. She always sat back, never joining in the battles but drawing portraits of each player. She never attended the tournament, it was too loud for her. Her favorite school subject was Art, obviously.

How did Xion know this? Roxas told her. He had figured everything about her. He was madly in love with her. Every time he visited, talking about Namine, he never seemed to notice how her eyes got all misty or the ever-so-slight pain in her voice.

She never realized how grateful she was for that.

* * *

_**I wish you couldn't figure me out**_  
_**But you'd always wanna know what I was about**_  
_**I wish you'd hold my hand**_  
_**When I was upset**_  
_**I wish you'd never forget**_  
_**The look on my face when we first met

* * *

**_

When they first met, in first grade, they were supposed to be in the school play together. It was a Christmas play, and they were supposed to be brother and sister watching toys come to life.

Her mother, Mrs. Nakano, had instantly arranged for the two to practice. She was an actress herself. Xion had objected when her mother told her.

"Xion, dear, you know that darling new Yoshida boy you are performing with? I invited him over so you two could practice." Mrs. Nakano said, expecting her daughter to be delighted with the arts and getting at least, hopefully, _one_ friend. Xion didn't approve.

"But Mom, I _don't _want him to come over." She had whined.

"Well, why is that?" Mrs. Nakano asked her only child. Xion stubbornly crossed her eight-year-old arms.

"Because I see enough of him at _school." _She said, trying to gain sympathy from her mother. Of course, that didn't work.

"Oh, you'll be fine. He'll come over every Thursday until the play. You'll live." She said.

Xion was determined to show that she wouldn't. She would annoy him until he didn't want to come. It was six Thursdays until the play. Six.

That next Thursday, Roxas had shown up. Mrs. Nakano had greeted him warmly.

"Hello, Roxas. Xion is in the basement, everything is set up for you two to practice." She had said, taking his coat.

"Thank you, Mrs. Nakano." He said. He went down the stairs to find Xion sitting there on the couch, not waiting for him, but playing a game on her portable system.

"Roxas, you can sit on the floor. I'm not going to practice with you." She said. Roxas had stood there, dumbstruck, debating on whether he should get Mrs. Nakano or force Xion to practice. Then he heard the game's music.

"You're playing Animal Crossing!" He exclaimed. Startled, Xion looked up.

"Yeah, how did you know?" She asked. He grinned, pulling out a portable system similar to her own. It was black, just like hers.

"I own it." He said, plopping down next to her. Xion smiled and the two played until Mr. Yoshida came to pick him up.

Needless to say, the Thursday's became a tradition of some sort. They would play video games, go skateboarding, or practice for the struggle tournament. She had made a new friend.

But Namine threw all those Thursdays and ice cream stick memories away when she moved to Twilight Town.

* * *

_**I wish you had a favorite beauty spot**_  
_**That you loved secretly**_  
_**'Cause it was on a hidden bit**_  
_**That nobody else could see**_  
_**Basically, I wish that you loved me**_  
_**I wish that you needed me**_

* * *

"Xion?"

Xion glanced up to see Kairi. Kairi never had to worry about unrequited love. She was one of the most popular kids in school. She went on more dates then anybody could care to remember. She was beautiful and smart. She would have no idea how Xion felt.

"Yes?" Xion replied. Kairi sat down next to her in the hideout.

"Xion, is there something you want to tell me? You've been spacing out a lot lately, and you look sad. You've been leaving early, and you haven't been answering calls. Is everything okay?" Kairi asked.

_No,_ Xion wanted to reply. _No, it's not. But you couldn't possibly understand why. Every boy you've ever wanted you got. You wouldn't understand. I started wanting him right when Namine came. I want Roxas. I love Roxas. And he loves Namine. _

She briefly glanced over at the two, sitting side by side. Roxas was telling Namine a story. Namine laughed. Roxas smiled. That smile felt like a smack in the face.

"Everything's fine, Kairi." Was all she said.

Kairi was hesitant to leave her, but Sora and Riku called her away. Xion left the hideout early that night, like so many others. And like so many other nights, she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

_**I wish that without me your heart would break**_  
_**I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake**_  
_**I wish that without me you couldn't eat**_  
_**I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

* * *

**_

"Curse you Xion! That's the third time you've won!" Roxas exclaimed. He threw the game controller on the floor and pouted. They were sitting in his basement, playing Super Mario Kart. Xion had won for the third time that evening. She laughed at the face Roxas was making.

"Oh, be a man about it." Xion teased. "Is it _my_ fault that I have the video game skill of a master?" She asked.

"Yes. It's _entirely _your fault." Roxas replied. Xion punched him on the shoulder.

"You jerk! It's your own fault you're not practicing!" She replied. She grinned at him.

"Well, I'm _practicing _for the struggle tournament, unlike someone else I know!" He retorted. Xion laughed, hard.

"But that's not for another month! I thought you would be _studying _for the final exams. You know, for your future?" She teased. She smiled, already anticipating his reply already. Instead, his actions surprised her.

He got quiet and folded his hands. He looked down at them and said softly, "I have something else I'm studying."

He looked at her, his big blue eyes wide. Xion's mind whirled, trying to unearth the hidden meaning. What else was he studying, other than school? They were seniors. They would be going, (hopefully) to TTU, Twilight Town University. That's what they both agreed to try and enter.

"It's Namine, Xion." He said, reading her confused mind.

Xion's heart fell into her stomach. Namine. She loathed the name now. The Namine who had taken everything she ever wanted from her. The Namine who was everything she wasn't, which was everything Roxas wanted.

"I'm going to propose, to her, Xion. I already am saving for a ring." He said.

Xion froze. Propose. Propose _marriage._ He was only eighteen, turning nineteen in July. Everything seemed blocked off. She couldn't speak. Here he was, her best friend, who she was in love with, admitting that he was going to _marry_ Namine. She hardly heard what he said next.

"I'm going to propose to her when we go to TTU. Right before, So we can get married during winter break. It's perfect." He said. He smiled at her. Xion recognized it. It was the same smile on his face whenever he talked about Namine or when he was around her. Xion suddenly hated that smile. It was supposed to be _her_ smile, not Namine's. It should be her going through his head every second of the day. Not Namine.

"Xion, It's only two months away. I need to ask you..." He took a deep breath. "Xion, could you help Namine with the wedding? You know, be there with us for planning, and be with Namine when she gets her dress. And maybe you could even be the maid of honor. You could help Kairi with the flo-"

"Why?"

Roxas stopped talking and turned to Xion. Xion looked at him, her eyes not happy for him, but sad. Still. Dead.

"What did you say, Xion?" He asked. Xion took another breath.

"Why me? Why not Kairi? Or Olette? Why me?" She asked numbly. Roxas didn't expect her to say this. He was about to speak when Xion kept talking. "Why me? Why not the other girls, who are more beautiful and girly. You know I can't plan a wedding to save my life. I-" Her voice failed her. She buried her face in her hands and started crying. He didn't know why she was crying. Was she scared?

"Xion," He murmured, wrapping her in a hug. It was the only hug he had given her since they got out of elementry school. "Xion, you're my best friend. That's why. You're my best friend."

When Xion got home that night, she went in her room and stood there in the doorway, Roxas's words echoing in her ears.

_You're my best friend._

She threw herself on the bed and cried her heart out. Being his best friend wasn't good enough.

She wanted to be his wife.

* * *

_**Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen**_  
_**And I wish that we could see if we could be something**_

* * *

"What did you say?"

"I'm leaving Twilight Town, Roxas."

Xion had both of her suitcases in hand. She looked up at him through her hair, not bothering to brush it out of the way.

"W-Why, Xion?" He stammered. "The wedding's next week. You've been a big help. You're the maid of honor-"

"I already gave my dress to Kairi." Xion interrupted. "I told her she's the maid of honor now."

Roxas stood dumbstruck in the doorway of his house. She had knocked and told him. She said this was her final good-bye.

"Xion, where will you go?" He asked.

"I got a scholarship offer to Destiny Islands. The plane leaves in a half-hour." She says.

"Destiny Islands? That's five hundred miles from here!" Roxas exclaimed. Xion nodded.

"Yes." She said simply. She glanced at her watch. "I have to go now. Good-bye Roxas." She started to turn when Roxas grabbed her wrist.

"Xion!" He said. "Will you send an address? So I can write? Or an e-mail?" He said. Xion shook her head.

"No, Roxas. I can't. Good-Bye." She repeated. She turned around, hopped in the car, and avoided the look of pain on Roxas's face as she drove away.

On the plane, she looked out the window to see Twilight Town below her.

_I'm sorry Roxas. I'm sorry I never could admit I loved you. Maybe it would be me wearing the white dress next week instead of Namine. But that's my fault. And I'm too weak to bear staying in Twilight Town any longer. Good-bye. Good-bye. I'll miss you and..._

Xion looked at her reflection in the window. Short, cropped black hair. A black hoodie and dark jeans. Eyes that were dull and lifeless. She couldn't cry anymore. Her tears were gone. She'd cried them all. There was nothing left for her in Twilight Town.

_I'll miss you and I'll love you forever.

* * *

**~~Yeah, I wish that we could see if we could be something~~**

* * *

_

**Author's Note:**

See, I told you it was sad.

Review?

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